I sat in rapt attention waiting for the reporter to break out into a giggle, while the interviewee talked about the subtly of 3 pieces composed for triangle.  No laugh.  No “Do you really expect the world to take you seriously?”.  No Satisfaction.  Perhaps I don’t hear the subtle tones of the triangle as anymore than a solitary clanging because I have burnt out my auditory nerves on Lily Allen and Vampire Weekend.  Who knows?

What I can say after many years of being goaded by Ira Glass, is that although NPR may be cheaper than my trip to Starbucks everyday it not always better. If this is what you are going to do with my pledge, I’d rather give to some poor, needy bank.

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In one of his last acts as president, the Bush Administration has announced a final effort to correct America’s failing economy, by inviting actor Henry Winkler to appear at the open bell on Wall Street Friday morning. According to unnamed sources close to Mr. Bush, Mr. Winkler has been asked to revive his role as Arthur Fonzarelli from the hit TV show “Happy Days“. Mr. Winkler in costume will give his traditional “Ayyyyy!”, snap his fingers, and then hit the opening bell thus kicking starting the major indices back into positive territory. Our source within the president’s inner circle said that the plan is being referred to as a Mr. Bush’s “Fonzie Scheme” for economic recovery. Asked where the inspiration for this unconventional plan came from our source said, “Mr. Bush was troubled for several days after the Bernie Madoff scandal. He knew that there was something that rymed with Ponzi and it was just on the tip of his tongue. Once he got to Fonzie, well, the rest just made sense.”

An offical anouncement is expected to be forthcoming from the White House. Mr. Winkler had not return our calls at the time of this writing.

It never did. Something in the neither regions of my brain kept pushing this song back in my face. So, I decided to do something about it. I wrote a parody. Below is my Silicon Valley update to this classic. (The original is below it. My apologies to Mr. Rogers.)

The Programmer

On a transatlantic lay over,
In an airport bound for Mumbai,
I met up with a programmer; we were both too wired to sleep.
So we just sat a typing on laptops in the cafe
till boredom overtook us and he began to speak.

He said, “Son, I’ve made my life out of managing people’s projects,
Knowing what the budgets were by the way they held their files.
So if you don’t mind me saying, I can see you’re out of battery,
For a shot of espresso, I’ll give you some advice.”

So I ordered a him a shot, that he drank in one quick swallow
Then asked for a cigarette and couldn’t find a light.
Then the lounge got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
He said, “If you’re gonna write some software, ya gotta learn to code it right.”

You got to know when to code em, know when to fault em,
Know when to double bill and know when to run.
You never blame your spec when you’re talkn’ with analyst.
There’ll be time enough for blaming when the testing done.

Now every developer knows the secret to surviving
Is knowing what to quote and knowing what’s to steep.
Cause every projects a winner and every ones a loser,
And the best you can hope for is to retire at the beach.
So when he finished speaking, he turned back towards the laptop,
Typed out a final message and put it all to sleep
Cause somewhere in that airport, the programmer’s flight was leaving,
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

You got to know when to code em, know when to fault em,
Know when to double bill and know when to run.
You never blame your spec when you’re talkn’ with analyst.
There’ll be time enough for blaming when the testing done.

You got to know when to code em, know when to fault em,
Know when to double bill and know when to run.
You never blame your spec when you’re talkn’ with analyst.
There’ll be time enough for blaming when the testing done.

The Gambler

On a warm summers evenin on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin out the window at the darkness
til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

He said, son, Ive made a life out of readin peoples faces,
And knowin what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you dont mind my sayin, I can see youre out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey Ill give you some advice.

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Now evry gambler knows that the secret to survivin
Is knowin what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
cause evry hands a winner and evry hands a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

So when hed finished speakin, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count you r money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Gotta Love It!